I have heard a lot said about imposter syndrome and why we have them. A connection that I haven’t heard a lot about is the idea that we probably feel like imposters in certain situations because of what others have given us permission to be in other areas.
When you were a child, you just are, you play pretend and in that world, you can and in fact are whatever you want to be. A doctor, a mom, an animal, a teacher, a president, really whatever your mind can comprehend. As you grow older, you start getting told what you can or cannot do because you are a certain age, in a certain class, of a certain height, born in a certain place, with or without certain skills.
We internalize these permissions that others have given us and decide what we can and cannot do. Now, instead of it being someone else telling you that you can and cannot do certain things, you begin to tell yourself that. Then, when others think you can do something, you assume that you cannot because of your previous internalizations and when you are forced, or force yourself to do the thing you feel like an imposter.
An imposter bacsue, in your mind you think “ I know I dont have the competence to be doing this” yet I am doing it and it must be obvious to others that I am not fit.
For instance, isn’t it interesting that Queen Elizabeth at 27 years of age when she became queen upon the passing of her father was considered fit to rule the United Kingdom. Yet, you must imagine that there was another 27 year old secretary in some part of the world seeking a promotion that some would have thought she wasn’t fit for; could be because of her age, perceived competence, year of experience. What is the difference? permission to be.
It is imperative that we each give ourselves the permission – just like when we were kids – to be and do whatever we really think that we can do or be. You cannot wait endlessly for someone or something external to validate you, you must be your own source of validation. But in case you still feel the need to wait for someone else’s permission, here it is… you are hereby permitted to do that thing that you have always desired to be whatever.